I hope you find everything

you're searching for

while you're looking worlds away;

everything that comes out

simply seems so cliched

so I guess my feelings must be

universal.

But this country is still

so big

and you're still so far away,

and knowing someone

has felt this before

doesn't comfort me

at all.

I'm already dreaming

of your return,

and it's only been a week;

I can't wrap my head around the thoughts

of you being so far away.

I'm like a child

thinking you can fly home

to spend lazy Sunday afternoons

playing boardgames in the basement

but my head won't let those thoughts

stay long enough to make

any kind of impression.

I hope that you're happy

and that you'll never forget

this small town.
I hope you'll come back

for our traditional dinner;

for my birthday and great grandma's house

for Christmas Eve.

Where will you be

this year at Christmas?

And how will I survive

next Sunday,

without you?

This is one of those posts where I don't know that you'll ever read it, but it's directed right at you anyways - you know, one of those things I should just tell you, but am writing to no one instead. One of those "this might make you feel better, but you don't know that" kind of stories.

Like, a while back, before we ever met, I found this website, and on the website you wrote letters to people you know, never intending for them to read it. It was probably made by some angry twelve year old who was mad at their parents for grounding them. heh. Anyways, that always made me think - like, that's fine to vent your anger, the words you only mean because you are mad, not because you mean them. But, why confess love to strangers and not to your love? How can we share more with strangers than we ever could with flesh and blood?

I hate to say that I totally understand, but I do! I know how much easier it can be when you don't expect anyone else to care. But how does that even make sense? I don't think that it does. But, anyways, back to the point...

The other night, our mini squabble, which wasn't anything than a bitchy comment [or two] made me think. It made me think about how odd we are, in the best of ways, and how much I love that. It made me think about how much I love you, and how much I would do for you, and how much I would love to help you, in any way I ever could.

It made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, just knowing that you want to be with me, that you want me in general, that you want to marry me, even if it's not in our near future. Is it really silly to think that someone could fall in love at 15? I don't think so; I think our four years have proved it - I think our ever after will prove it. I doubt it's any sillier than writing a letter to someone whom you never intend on having them read. Maybe I will have you read it. Maybe.

I just, I hope you know that I love you, with every ounce of my heart. And, in no way have you ever been a burden; you are my hero, my love, you saved me from [as cliche as this sounds, you know it's true] myself. And I thank you for that, every day. But, I just, I want you to know - if there's anything you ever need, just ask. I know you won't, but you need to know that you always can

Anyways, to anyone reading my rambling, have a great night, and Joe, thank you for reading this letter that is no longer written to no one <3 Love you.

   Hovering over winding roads,

we say our goodbyes,

until next time,

but we don't know when next time

might find us.

I hope you'll think of me

when you're the coolest kids

at your new schools,

and you have your new lives,

without me.

This town will never be the same

without you,

and no matter how hard I try,

I can't find a good thing about it.

I hope you find

everything you've ever dreamed of

   and I pray one day

you'll find your way

back home,

to me.

This is just goodbye,

until next time,

until next time.

I accepted a new job today, and I'm assuming that should make me happy, but it made me confused. I'm second guessing myself. I turned down the job, then 20 minutes later, I called back and accepted it. I know this job is probably better, convienence wise. But, is it a better job?

Why is Job 1 Good?

1. Great boss
2. Willing to work around schedule
3. Willing to hire me full time for next summer
4. I just love working there

Why is Job 1 Bad?

1. It's far away from my house
2. Along side that; I work hours that the bus is not available, and I need rides to and from work.
3. I don't have rides.
4. I can only work on the weekends because of shift scheduling, and then between Uni & work I have no days off.

Why is Job 2 Good?

1. Again, they'll work around my schedule
2. It's close to my house, and my boyfriend's.
3. If I work hours the bus doesn't run, I can walk.
4. I can work a wider variety of shifts, meaning my weekends have the possibility of being free.
5. I don't know how good the job will be; haven't worked there yet, but I hear it's not too bad.

Why is Job 2 Bad?

1. It's Fast Food. Need I say more?

I know there's more good than bad about switching jobs. That's why I'm even more confused as to whether or not I made the right decision. I know my current boss told me I could work there for the school year, but to take this job if I got it. She says she will work around my school schedule, but it's harder to do at that job. I'm more of a fill in now, but.. I don't know. I guess I don't have much time to decide.

I guess I really have decided already.

But, honestly, do we ever know if we made the right decision?